I don't know if you've heard the saying that when one thing in your life is going super well, another part falls to shit. Well that seems to be true for me right now but it's all happening in one part of my life. The artistic part. While my personal work seems to be flourishing and I finally seem to be finding the things I really enjoy doing, the professional design side of me has gone to shit. I have a new found love for vectoring and I'm like a sponge with it right now. Going through tutorials, pushing myself to do greater things with it. I'm loving it. However, my graphic designer side has gone down the hill. To the point where I feel like an amateur. And that really shouldn't be happening considering I've been doing it professionally for 5+ years. I suppose it doesn't help to have a boss that doesn't like a damn thing I do. but whatever.
Sometimes I think that design was the wrong field to go in. I've always been artistic and I've always been attached to my work. I mean it's part of being an artist. Being a graphic designer, they say you have to take away that element because there is ALWAYS going to be someone who doesn't like what you do. It's not like being a sales man or doing accounting or some other job like that. You're head, or rather soul, isn't on the chopping block. But then what does that make me if I detach myself from my work? A machine? It doesn't make me feel like I'm an artist?
I was talking to my boss (who is a photographer) about this. He was saying that he doesn't want our 10 other bosses making us into machines because the quality of work goes down. The art comes out of it because there's no passion for it anymore. No love. I truly feel that I have lost the love for design. I don't think it's a permeant thing but it's been going on long enough to bug me and long enough for me to hate doing any sort of creative projects at work. I used to thrive on those projects. I loved doing them. I loved the challenge. I don't love it anymore. Not when I cant get the ideas out. Not when I know no matter how much time and effort I put into it that I'm going to get some boss telling me it sucks and to redo it. Ugh...it's exhausting.
Despite all this drama going on in my head and at work, I still feel 2010 is going to be a good year. I've found what I want to do for the long run. I want to have my own design studio where I'm the boss. Not 10 different bosses telling me 10 different things to do and then yelling at me because I didn't listen. Not a boss saying he wants to know if he's "getting his moneys worth" out of my department. (Ouch right?) Nothing too big. maybe 5 designers max in a small place where we can work in a comfortable environment. (Have you seen Google's office?) This isn't something I expect right away. I've gotta work up to it. Get more clients. But it's my goal to be achieved in the next few years and I'm working for it now. My boyfriend is a designer too so he's helping out. We're trying to come up with names, write out contracts, get more freelance work (especially more repeat freelance work). We're making our website. I feel good about this.
Anyway, I should probably end this here. I'm rambling on and on. lol